Finally They're Here!

What else would it be but the Guinea Pig Olympics!


Ever since Heracles blessed Olympiad with a stadium in honour of his father, Zeus, the sporting heroes of the day have taken part in the Olympic games. But man is not the only species to hold competitive sporting events


New images reveal, for the first time, that man's most trusted ally, the guinea pig, holds a yearly competition. The Guinea Pig Games (GPG) pits two teams of athletic Cavia porcellus against each other to win gold, silver, and bronze medals


As with the human Olympics, guinea athletes are held in great esteem among their fans, admired for their stamina, prowess and incredible feats


But they should also be admired for the dedication they show toward their chosen sport. Snuffles McSqueeby, gold-winning squash champ of last year's games, trains for 6 hours a day. The rest of his schedule consists mainly of trembling in the corner of his hutch


Many GPG hopefuls have had to overcome disabilities in order to compete. Fluffy Peters, like all guinea pigs, has no thumbs to hold the foil with. Over time he's strengthened his claw-like-paws to actually be able to grip the handle. He's not very good at swinging the tiny metal sword, but that's beside the point


A natural fear of water hasn't taken any wind out of the sails of former gold medallists, Snooky Pooky and Gertrude Tiddlywinks


Guinea athletes want to be taken seriously, but prejudice hangs around the GPG like a bad stench. Many humans see serious animal athletes as "adorable", they may laugh or condescendingly stroke them - a factor that has always prevented guinea pigs from joining the human Olympics....


...Linford Christie "accidentally" stepped on 100 metres hopeful, Bitey Stevens, during Barcelona '92. Bitey was only injured, but he could not compete and the Guinea Pig Games Committee decreed that guineas would no longer compete with humans until they are viewed as equals


The Guinea Pig Games is not without controversy of its own. Harvey Higginbottom, four time silver medallist, was banned from this year's GPGs because he failed the obligatory drugs tests...


...and renowned 'ard-man, Squeakers "Knockout" Thompson, caused outrage four years ago when he not only bit the ear off of his competitor, Jimmy Nibbles, but ate his babies too


Hamsters have been trying to get in on the event for decades, but snooty GPG bosses have forbidden them, stating that the hamsters carry too much weight in their cheeks to hurdle properly. We could get no comment from the disgruntled hamsters


This year's Guinea Pig Games ultimate winner will be announced in December. The images appear courtesy of The Guinea Pig Games Calender 2009, published by Icarus Arts